Patience and Impatience, TLR Style

Depending on who you are, it may seem like Tony La Russa has either the most or least patience of any human being on the planet. Somewhere between his ears (which are covered by anachronistic tufts of hair), TLR has information that could give us all the answers to some pivotal questions we've all been wondering for years.

For instance, Skip Schumaker definitively can not play second base, but here we are in his third season of making vague attempts to do so. La Russa must believe that one of these years he's going to turn into a non-hobbled Chase Utley out there. And what about Ryan Franklin? Sure, the saves are there, but most of us without PCP addictions realize saves don't really matter. More concerning is the fact that Franklin will never be able to get a strikeout when he needs it, fizzles near the end of every season, and looks ridiculous. Also, he wants to be able to keep his guns in the clubhouse, and there's no telling whether or not he would try to "hunt" all of the teams with animal names.

On the opposite side of the spectrum we have TLR as the hot-headed, irrational antagonist. He benches Colby Rasmus because they aren't best friends, pulls Jason Motte after one blown save on opening day, and refuses to give David Freese the real third base starting job even though he deserves it by all accounts.

Before this next series against the Giants, I just want to simplify things a bit. Let's just play Descalso at second and bench Skip as a theoretical super-sub who can play shoddy defense and slap the occasional butt-squeak single from nearly anywhere on the field. Let David Freese seriously play third base; he's looked spectacular over there and he should be good for a bit of batting average, a few walks, and the occasional home run. Quit letting Jon Jay try to replace Matt Holliday. Don't even do it for one second. Allen Craig has a real bat in his hands, and I don't care about his glove because the Cardinals have yet to exceed a negative run total in six games so far this season. Oh, and I'm pretty sure Jon Jay hit .004 the last two months of 2010, has no power, and possesses two first names. I hate it when people have two first names.

And Tony, if you're going to stick to your guns and keep Ryan Franklin as your closer (which Ryan Franklin coincidentally loves to do), at least make sure you have the right guys (Motte, Boggs, Tallet and Miller versus lefties) in the game when stuff gets serious. Oh, and while we're at it, it's probably going to wind up being a good idea to move Kyle McClellan back to the bullpen and plug Lance Lynn into the rotation. I hope I'm wrong, I really do, but I don't think K-Mac has many more gems in his bag.

It's strange to do so much complaining on an off-day, but I needed to vent before I watch the Cards try and hit Jonathan Sanchez after seeming thoroughly confused against Charlie Morton. If there's any consolation to be had, it's that the Dead Birds won't be seeing Tim Lincecum at any point in this series. He used his 13 strikeout card on someone else already.

Before I go, a quick mathematical venture:

TLR's ability to rescue dogs and hug them>TLR's ability to please me as a fan